When I turned 21…

my dad gave me 3 pairs of socks.

3 pairs of socks.

But it’s the thought that counts. :)

Categories: Life | Love | Faith | Leave a comment

Separate Ways

We were sitting on the couch one day, watching our favorite TV show. Pizza boxes on the floor, soda bottles and bags of chips lying everywhere.

It dawned on me that maybe we’ve been together too long. It dawned on her too, that things weren’t the same as before.

It was a comedy, you know, our favorite TV show. We loved it, but we were on the last episode of the final season. As is the case with any other comedy shows, it has a happy ending. The main protagonist got her dream job, found a boyfriend, and is happily dating him. The male support found a wife and they now have a baby. The protagonist’s bestfriend just got wed.

“What a happy life,” I told myself. I wish I have that.

Credits rolled and we waited for the next episode to play on Netflix, but instead it gave us shows similar to our favorite.

“So, what’s next?” she asked me. And my usual stupid reply “I don’t know” spurted from my mouth.

Maybe she got the wrong signal, maybe I said it wrong, but the mood became different. I was excited and nervous. She was nervous and worried when I talked to her.

“Maybe we could talk?” I asked her. “We haven’t had a conversation in a while.”

“What’s it about?”

“I don’t know, about life, the future? What do you see in us?”

“Why a sudden serious tone?” She was shocked.

“Listen, I bought a ring. It is cheap, but it’s the thought that counts. Maybe we could move forward to something more? I think we have something going on between us.” I confessed.

I showed her the ring that I bought at Walmart. I don’t have enough money to buy a decent one, but I was hoping that my love would supplement my lack of budget.

Expressions words cannot explain ran through her face and her mind filled with thoughts maybe of excitement, maybe of joy, or maybe of fear and angst.

“I don’t know, this wasn’t really what I was expecting.” She told me.

“Listen, we’ve been together for too long, and I don’t know, I fee like things aren’t the same as before.” She added. “I am sorry, but I don’t think we should do that and well… I don’t know if we should continue this.”

She broke up with me. And that was it. I didn’t know what I felt back then. I didn’t feel remorse. In fact, I felt free. I felt like I could do more things in my life now. That I could go to different places and meet different people because I don’t have attachments anymore.

“Okay, if that’s your decision, I won’t even ask the reason behind,” I said sheepishly. “I guess I should leave now.”

It was funny because out of impulse I took the box of pizza that has probably three slices with me. Just as I was leaving the house, I thought she was gonna say something. Actually, I was sure she was, but I didn’t even bother waiting. I slammed the door behind, went to my car and drove away.

We are on separate ways now.

Last night, I was reading Greek mythology and I happened to read about the part where Hercules killed his wife and children, not on his own will of course, but under influence of Hera, Zeus’s jealous wife.

I don’t know why, but I stopped there. It felt weird. It felt heavy on my chest. This is a bad analogy, but I felt like she and I were Hercules and his family. Maybe I killed the love we had because of delusions of a wedded life, a future family. Or maybe she was Hercules and I was the wife.

And she killed me.

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My Life is Like Water

My life is like water.

I try to hold it and take a good grip on it, but I lose it.

I try to cup it, but it trickles down slowly from my hand.

I try to take control of my life like how I want to hold water.

But I can’t.

Life is like a streaming water, going anywhere it wants to go.

You will never know where it leads you to, not even a glimpse of tomorrow.

You will never be able to take control of it, but you can touch it and watch wherever it goes.

And you can take a boat and enjoy the ride of the stream of life.

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I try holding on to the past while moving to the future.

Knowing that every bit of me is changing.

Who I was a minute ago is not who I am anymore.

Afraid of the future, abhorring the past.

Confused of the present.

And walking the path of epiphany.

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In my mind there’s madness,

In my heart there’s rage.

I moved my hands to do something

but they did the opposite.

I try to walk north, but ends up south.

Delusion hits me. It adores me. It fantasizes me.

And insanity rules over me.

Eris blesses me.

Categories: Creative Writing | Leave a comment

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