My Life is Like Water

My life is like water.

I try to hold it and take a good grip on it, but I lose it.

I try to cup it, but it trickles down slowly from my hand.

I try to take control of my life like how I want to hold water.

But I can’t.

Life is like a streaming water, going anywhere it wants to go.

You will never know where it leads you to, not even a glimpse of tomorrow.

You will never be able to take control of it, but you can touch it and watch wherever it goes.

And you can take a boat and enjoy the ride of the stream of life.

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I try holding on to the past while moving to the future.

Knowing that every bit of me is changing.

Who I was a minute ago is not who I am anymore.

Afraid of the future, abhorring the past.

Confused of the present.

And walking the path of epiphany.

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In my mind there’s madness,

In my heart there’s rage.

I moved my hands to do something

but they did the opposite.

I try to walk north, but ends up south.

Delusion hits me. It adores me. It fantasizes me.

And insanity rules over me.

Eris blesses me.

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Afraid to Love

I am afraid to love.

I am afraid to give myself to a girl.

I am afraid that when I give myself to her, it won’t be enough.

I am afraid that when it’s not enough, she will not be satisfied.

I’m afraid that when she’s not satisfied, she will be gone.

I am afraid that when she’s gone, I will have nothing left.

I am afraid that after giving myself to her, I will have nothing.

I am afraid to lose myself to a girl who will not treasure [it].

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I have been Blessed pt. 1

It has been one year and almost 5 months (four more days) since I arrived in this country. A country I chose to live in despite not knowing if I can stay until I achieve the purpose of why I came here or not.


When I decided to come back to the United States, I was sure that I will need to start again from scratch. I had to leave my family, my friends, and all the comfort I found in the Philippines because I believed that God wants me to come back here. I had little to no idea of what is going to happen after a few years and even after months or days, but stepping out in faith is the best choice.


I arrived in California on March 15, 2013. After a week or two of trying to adjust to the timezone, I started looking for a job. Countless online jobs that I found, I did not hesitate to apply to. April came, and so did May and I became desperate because I had not been hired yet. My uncle, who I stay with, told me that I would need to pay rent starting June, but I hadn’t found a job yet and didn’t know how I can pay my rent.


I was so engrossed about getting a job that I forgot who called me to this place. God. He needed to slap me in the face for me to “wake up” from it. He needed to do that to remind me of who he is. I found a job in the middle of May and, of course, I was so happy about it. That time I was enthralled that I will be able to pay my rent and that I started this “independence”  in my life. I started budgeting my money, trying to figure out how I can use it and save for the reason why I came here. But then, the thing that I did not expect happened.


I started working on May 22nd and ended on May 23rd. It was heart-wrenching that I got laid-off after two days of work. How the manager of the warehouse does it is that he calls the employees every day if we could work the next day. He did not call me for two consecutive days, so I called him and asked if I could get more hours. He told me that the company needed to cut hours and that it would be best for me to find a more reliable job.


That was messed up. I thought I pressed the “play” button on my life for good, but I had to press “stop” again. I thought my life will continue, but I got stuck on trying to find a job again. And there came God’s slap. “The LORD gives and takes away”. What a crazy joke, I thought. I realized that I had been leading my life instead of letting God lead it. “But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you.”


“Wake up”, God said. I was not supposed to be obsessed with this. I was not supposed to be worried about this. Rather, I was supposed to seek God always and let all these things follow. It’s a good thing that God is a faithful God. I found a job two weeks after being laid off and I started with the job on the 6th of June of the same year. I praised God and thanked God knowing that he gave me this job, and that he caused my previous tenement of worry to crumble to give me a palace of praise and faith.


I was able to pay my rent for the month of June, even though I was near the deadline. I was able to save a little amount and I was happy about it. It was an awesome experience that God provided when I needed it and things were going well, but then my job decided to cut hours like the previous one did.

Categories: Life | Love | Faith | Tags: , | Leave a comment

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